21 February 2014

A Tribute to The Bollocks Man

Written by me on 21 February 2014, in delirium.

Unknown by most patrons of the stages of Great Britain, the Bollocks Man had a permanent job and he was paid by the Organisers. He had but one job, but he did it well. Who he is/was remains a mystery, but what he did was known by all.

It was the job of the Bollocks Man to attend large public gatherings, preferably in closed auditoriums, and at the appropriate time and with much gusto utter the word “Bollocks!”. The gatherings included political rallies, mass meetings, award ceremonies and his personal favourite, live stage productions. This author knows for fact that stage productions were manipulated to include a mention of the Bollocks Man, thus: at the appropriate stage in a play, at a point when there was expected to be silence in the audience, the Bollocks Man would do his thing at which time, and only at his direction, the designated actor would turn around, face the audience and say “You sir, yes you. [pointing vaguely in the direction of the perpetrator] What is it that you say?”. The response from the Bollocks Man was to say “Bollocks I say again” and then he would get up, and leave the auditorium. In short-run stage productions, this “incident” was not repeated and even in long running shows, a repeat was very rare.

There was some discussion by the corps of critics, but as they were in total disagreement, the incident was never featured in their columns. They had the germ of the idea, but failed to agree on such an obvious ploy by the stage director to break the fourth wall. So, the Bollocks Man continued his work as we all know how many stage productions, speeches, rallies and such are held annually in Great Britain. He became part of the fabric of audience life and his appearances were mostly anxiously anticipated. Publicly there was not much discussion, but privately some people stated that they only kept attending sometimes lackluster events in the hope that the Bollocks Man would “do his thing”. Of course there were imitators, and they are still heard all over, but none have the presence in voice of the original. Feeble attempts were launched when some audience member would shout “Horseshit”, but they were ignored as being common hecklers and went away.

It is conjectured that the Bollocks Man is either a town crier or a member of the Toastmasters Guild or both, but no person this author approached were willing to discuss this. Nevertheless, even though he was gainfully employed by for at least 47 years, he must have had a quite miserable life as he was never present to see the end of any occasion when he “did his thing”. Or maybe, that fact made him quite happy – would you not also liked to be paid to say “Bollocks” and then leave the party?

“Hold on” you say,” what happens next? Will there be a new Bollocks Man? And when will he show himself”? I can only say – go and attend those public occasions and listen in anticipation for the return of the Bollocks Man. Who knows?

So here then is the salute to the Bollocks Man:

  “Bollocks I say again”. [exit theater left]

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Further reading:

The Origin of the Bollocks Man.

Was the Bollocks Man a paid Heckler?

On Stage Direction and Misdirection.

The Public Artifice Explained.

Breaking the Fourth Wall. John Briks.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bollocks